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Never Meant To Be
Sometimes….Some things just aren’t meant to be…No matter how much you might try to fight it. It just won’t happen…I had to learn this fact, The hard way. My name is Nagi Fuyu, Once you’ve read my story, you’ll know exactly how I came to terms with this bitter fate.
“Nagi, Nagi wake up!” I heard a calming yet worried voice pull me out of my deep sleep. My body was covered in sweat, My breathing ragged and uneven. My vision cleared up, and my gaze fell on the voice that had woken me up, A women stood over me. Her name is Kacura, I live with her, No she’s no my mother, but I’ve been with her as long as I can remember. This night, what you see now is not a surprise, It’s just like any other night…
Once Kacura knew I was awake and calmed down she slowly released her grip on my slim pale shoulders. A deep sigh escaped her lips, as she kneeled beside the bed “The dream again, Nagi?” The purple-eyed women asked, But already knew the answer. I ran my fingers though my damp hair “Yeah…Kacura why does this keep happening?” I asked, I’ve asked many times before but always got the same response, “When the time is right, I’ll tell you. I’m sorry Nagi, bear with it for a while longer” The older women spoke softly, Eye’s pleading for me not to ask any further, and once again I listened, Falling back into my tormented sleep.
My Eye’s slowly opened once again, This time though the sun peaked though my window, and I heard the birds chirping away outside without a care in the world. Slowly I pulled my body out of bed and to the closet, pulling out what I was going to wear today, My gaze fell on the mirror, there before the mirror I saw my image, I had Purple soft hair that stopped at my waist, and dull grey eyes. I softly sighed, after getting dressed I made my way downstairs…Something felt different about today…Something made the air tense yet this feeling, It felt somewhat familiar.
I sat down at the breakfast table, A plate already in front of me. Where was Kacura? Soon I heard soft footsteps and the older women appeared across the table from me, Holding a small wrapped box in her slightly tanned skin. “What’s that for?” I asked dully. Something was different in the way she spoke, Like she was on edge, but she smiled anyway “Silly…Did you forget it’s your 18th birthday?” She asked, sliding the present across the table to me. “I did” I admitted, laughing quietly.
I opened the wrapped up box, and inside was a necklace, I pulled it out and stared at it. It was a thin chain, then on the end was a ruby-stone in the shape of a half moon. The way it sparkled in the sunlight was beautiful, Again though something about this…It felt like Déjà vu. “I saw it first…” The words just slipped out of my mouth. Kacura frowned “Did you say something?” She asked, slowly…cautious almost.
I shook my head, forcing a smile “I said thank you, I love it Kacura” As I spoke, I put the necklace around my neck, as soon as it was on it felt like something that had been missing for so long was suddenly reunited with me. I suddenly felt hot, My head spinning almost. “Kacura…” I muttered, I looked up at her, Her purple eye’s only held sadness, and anxiety.
“What’s going on?” I asked, Kacura slowly pulled out her pocket mirror showing it to me, I didn’t understand at first but what I saw next made me scream. My grey eye’s had now turned Blood-red. “W-WHAT’S GOING ON?!” I screamed, throwing the mirror down. Kacura stayed silent, She simply grabbed ahold of my arm, pulling me out of me seat, She walked into the library she had in her room, then pulled on of the books, then the shelf slid open, revealing a staircase leading to who knows where.
“Nagi…I’ve told you to please wait until the time was right for me to explain the dreams you’ve been having…right?” She asked as she lead me down the dark staircase, the only light we has was a dim lit candle, I only nodded “Well…” Kacura paused as we got to the end of the staircase, I looked passed her, I saw old pictures hung on the old decaying walls, Books stacked up to almost the ceiling of this old place, “It’s time you knew…” She spoke softly, I walked passed her and towards the desk that stood in the corner of the small room.
I picked up one of the pictures that laid there, It was old and the tips of it looked like it had been burnt. I had to narrow my eye’s in order to see who it was in the picture. There in the picture was a women, she had soft looking purple hair that ended at her waist perfectly, she was in a red and black dress, her arms crossed across her lap perfectly, it was only when I saw her face did I start to panic, The women….She looked like me.
“Kacura, Who is this? My mother? My grandmother?” I asked, noticing they also had blood-red eyes. My heart sank as I listened to Kacura’s next words. “No…Nagi…That’s you, All of these are YOU, from different times, over and over...Look at the back of the pictures” She spoke so soft, I could barely hear, it was as if Kacura wanted to cry as well. With trembling hands I flipped over the picture, it read in cursive letters ‘ Nagi Fuyu, age 18, 1809’
I started panicking, I kept flipping over pictures, seeing them change with each date, as the dates got older and the scenery got older. I screamed, Throwing all of them onto the ground finally. I didn’t want to deal with this! Kacura came over and placed a hand on my shoulder “I know it’s a lot to take in, But Nagi that’s you. It’s a curse that has been going on for a long time…as you can see. But each time you turn 18…You…die, then are re-born into a different lifetime, and have no memory of any of your past lives.”
“Then…Those dreams were my memories? From past lives?” I asked, trying to take all of this in. Kacura nodded “My family has been your guardian throughout the ages, And I’m your guardian this time, Nagi” She whispered.
Then we sat there in silence. I felt the necklace around my neck, I had gotten it many times before, in my past lives I remembered…I also remembered my many deaths, and how my past lives-me- had tried to go against this fate many times before, and had failed just as much. It made my head hurt, I clutched my head as the memories flooded in my mind, I started sobbing into Kacura’s arms. This was too much.
“Why? Why does this happen? Why me!” I screamed, Now everything seemed fake, this life, my friends, everything I had done up to this point, was worth nothing…! “Yomi..” I muttered. Kacura’s face tightened with mixed emotions. I suddenly remembered a boy’s face, He had just as pale skin, and sliver messy hair with icy-blue eyes, I remembered his words “This is a curse you will not be able to break, no matter how many times you try, I will kill you every time on your 18th birthday, This is your punishment for trying to defy me!” It felt like an old movie flashed before me in my head.
I had been this ‘Yomi’ persons best warrior, his right-hand person. I’d always carry out his orders without question, but then one mission, It had gone too far, because war broke out. Many people died…Children Died…Many of my comrades, and Yomi couldn’t have cared less, as long as he got what he wanted.so I confronted him, tried to kill him and failed, so he put this curse at me, as I turned 18 and ever since I’ve been going through so many lives, seeing the world change in so many ways, only to die over and over.
“When…” I started to say, trying to find my voice again “When is Yomi coming after me?” I asked, Dreadful I felt as cold as the snow that was outside. Kacura grabbed my arm and made me get to my feet “Soon, So we must go now” She said, she let go of me only to pick up a sword that hung above the desk I stood at a moment ago “I’ll protect you even if I die, Hopefully…Hopefully this time you can break the curse, never let go of that necklace though..Nagi” Kacura said, I could tell by the look in her eye’s she was dead serious.
“Don’t I need something to fight back with?” I asked as we ran through the quiet streets, and thick snow. Without looking back to face me the older women spoke “When the times come, it’ll appear to help you” She mumbled. Obviously focused on getting me out of here. As we kept my eyes gazed out towards the town I was leaving behind, The friends I had made, the schools I attended, Would I die again this time? Would I be able to break this fate and go back to a normal life? No…whether I lived or not I knew it’d never be ‘normal’.
Kacura suddenly stopped, Causing me to rush into her and fall into the snow. “Why did we stop?” I asked, suddenly feeling my blood go cold. “Come on out, Yomi” Kacura hissed, Soon…like thin air a boy appeared, he didn’t look much older than I was. But he had the same sliver messy hair, pale skin and icy-blue eyes. “Yomi…” I muttered, the boy smiled “Ah, So you remember me once again, Nagi?” He asked, Voice calm but felt like razor blades.
Kacura pulled out her sword “I won’t let you harm this girl again Yomi” She said, voice dripping venom of hatred, even if I didn’t know who I was…what I was…I knew that Kacura honestly cared about me, Which was the only thing keeping me sane at this moment. The silver-haired boy simply laughed “Ah, you’re the new guardian for her right? Kacura was it? I must thank you for taking such good care of my…former second in command as you could say” He said, His gaze falling on me.
I suddenly felt my blood boil, hatred filling my blood-red eyes. “Like I’ve said many times before, I’ll never regret my choice, Yomi you’re sick with greed and power you evil boy!” The words just slipped out of my mouth, I quickly covered it. “Ah you’ve said those words to me over and over before…But aren’t you tired of it Nagi? You keep forming bonds each time only to have them taken away, poor girl” He mocked.
Kacura sprang into action, raged by his words. She swung her sword high into the air then down just as fast towards Yomi. He raised his hand, suddenly a shield surrounded him, like some kind of magic. Kacura’s blade was stopped by it, but she kept pushing one despite it. “I won’t let you harm this child, She WILL break your curse!” Kacura hissed, finally breaking through his barrier, Yomi frowned as he dodged her attacks, he took out a small dagger and started attacking now.
I just sat there in the freezing snow, watching. This was…so unreal…Kacura was risking her life, just in the hopes I could someday break this curse…despite I had failed many times before...and because of this my ‘guardians’ had died in vein trying to protect me. It brought tears to my eyes, this was no better than the war that started this whole mess, I was losing everything over and over in this cruel wicked cycle.
I had been consumed by my own thoughts I had forgotten about the battle before me for a moment, Until I heard Kacura’s frantic voice “NAGI!” She screamed, I gasped my eye’s widening, Yomi had gotten past Kacura and was lunging right towards me, dagger in hand. I was frozen in my spot, I might have been a warrior in my past lives but I wasn’t used to this yet, It was all happening so fast, I had just learned who and what I was and now I was going to die…
In my past lives my guardians had told me earlier, so I could be ready…But Kacura…She…she wanted to spare me the agony of the truth, so she hid it as long as she could…Oh Kacura! What happened next…blew me away, It all happened like slow motion, and I was bound to my seat, unable to do anything…
My eye’s had closed, as I thought Yomi was going to kill me, I heard something splatter on me and the snow, but I never felt any pain. “Nagi…” I heard Kacura speak softly, I slowly opened my eyes, gasping I wanted to scream at what I saw. Kacura had her arms wrapped around me, She was smiling, but the color in her eyes fading…Yomi had ran the dagger though her back and stomach, the snow had been stained now, Turning red, And all over me as well. “K-kacura?” I whimpered, not wanting to believe any of this.
Kacura coughed, causing more blood to fall from her mouth, she starting go limp in my arms, I caught her and slowly laid her on the now red snow. “Kacura, no!” I begged, starting to cry. She brought a hand to my face, wiping away the tears “Nagi, My dear Nagi. Don’t cry, I regret nothing…I’m honored…that I was chosen to be your guardian…I watched you grow through this life, despite me not telling you the truth…it was worth the memories I hold close to my heart” She spoke softly, Starting to slow and slur her words.
“Kacura you can’t die, Please you’re the only thing keeping me sane…This is too much I can’t do this alone!” I sobbed. She shook her head, “I know you can do this Nagi…You can break the curse don’t give up…So that…You’ll be able to live the life you want…This is my wish..Nagi, I’m sorry I couldn’t…Protect you better” She said, her purple colored eye’s going lifeless “Kacura!” I screamed “You didn’t fail me, you never have…Kacura…” I cried, She simply smiled, then her hand fell hitting the snow…and she was gone…Kacura was…Dead…
“Aw…Just another guardian failed to protect Nagi Fuyu” He started laughing. “I told you the day this started you’d regret this, you should have never betrayed me, and now you shall lose everything dear to you once again!” He spat. My gaze left kacura’s lifeless body as I stared at Yomi, something in me…snapping.
I slowly stood up, holding out my hand in the air “Come, Shoushi” I called, the words felt so...normal…Like I had said them just yesterday. Soon a sword formed into my pale, blood-tainted hands. The handle had a design of a wolf forming all around it, it was a long thing…sharp blade, with a blue tint to it. I pointed it at Yomi “Enough…Kacura…This time I won’t lose!” I yelled as I lunged towards Yomi.
We were engaged in combat for what seemed like hours, but I knew it wasn’t that long. Our weapons clashed, Echoing in the dead-silent woods and blood covered snow, We were both wounded. I was breathing ragged uneven breaths, I looked over to Kacura’s body which was in the snow, almost completely covered in the fresh fallen snow. She looked so peaceful but I knew better, she probably felt guilty, feeling she failed me…but she didn’t I know that much.
Our blades clashed once again. Yomi started to laugh, “What’s so funny?” I hissed. “The fact that you still think you can win, your strong yes…But you fight to honest” He smiled, His icy-blue eye’s pouring into my blood-red ones. I looked at him confused “What are you going on about?-“
My eye’s widened, As I gasped for air. My eyes snapped down to see that he had hidden one of his blades in the ground, and from behind it had shot up piercing though my back and out the other side of my stomach. I felt the warm thick liquid start to pour out of my wound, I fell to me knee’s trying to balance on my sword to try to stand. My vision was going blurry as I coughed out more blood.
“Yomi!” I screamed, “Your dirty little…” I couldn’t finish, He kicked me in the stomach causing me to fall face first into the cold snow, which was turning red once again. I gritted my teeth looking towards him “Get…back…here…I’m… not done!” I said, voice raspy. Yomi kneeled down, cupping my face in his hands. “Oh my dear Nagi…Once again you’ve failed” He whispered in my ear.
“This is going to happen over and over…just look over there” He said nodding towards Kacura “If you had excepted this fate sooner maybe she could have lived, maybe all those other people who gave their lives for you wouldn’t have had to have such horrid deaths…It’s all your fault NAGI” He mocked, kissing my forehead before letting me fall back to the ground.
That’s when it kicked in…It was my fault. My selfish ways of trying to defy fate…I had let so many people that I had loved die, just so I could try to live? Especially Kacura…She didn’t deserve this!....Being raised knowing that fact she’d probably die because of me, yet she never had any hatred towards me…Only love and wishing I could carry out my dream…I’m so horrible!
My blood-red eye’s started to go hallow, “Kacura…I’m sorry…Everyone…That has died because of me…I’m sorry” I whimpered into the snow. Yomi ruffled my hair, knowing I was starting to die now “Well…See you in another 18 years my dear Nagi.” He laughed as he left me to die slowly and painfully.
Church bells rung, It had been a cold rainy day, Now the rain had stopped and only the snow was still falling freshly on the snow. There stood a group of people gathered at a cemetery, dressed in black they watched a casket being lowered into the ground, then being covered in the dirt covered snow. Some cried, others tried to comfort those who cried. After a while the group faded.
A girl walked towards the freshly buried grave, She was also dressed in black. Her long purple hair blew in the cold unforgiving wind, She leaned over and place a handful of spider-lilies. She read what the grave said ‘Kacura Zetsumi, age 27 1984-2011, a beloved friend and guardian, shall be missed but never forgotten’
The girl read this over a few time’s, before pulling down her hood. She had pale skin, Long purple hair and blood-red eyes. “Kacura…I’m sorry” I spoke quietly, I looked younger than I did before, only to show that her efforts failed. “You were wrong Kacura…This cycle can never be broken…I’m sorry…You had such high hopes I could break it” I spoke dully, Feeling the necklace around my necklace.
“This is probably going to make you cry…from wherever you’re watching me…But I’ve given up trying to break this curse…I will go through this cycle until time itself ends…”
I clutched onto her sword as well as mine, My eye’s held no light anymore, they were soulless. I has been broken, Knowing not to believe in anything anymore. “Kacura...It was just never meant to be…Losing you made me realize this…more people will keep dying because of my, none of them will be as special as you though” I paused for a moment
“Just like you excepted your fate, I too will do the same, I will carry on the burdens, those who have and will die because of me, this is my punishment as Yomi said” I brought a sad smile to my lips, “Goodbye Kacura, It’s time for me to continue now…This bitter cycle. Thank you” I muttered then I walked away from the snow covered grave, never looking back.
My name is Nagi Fuyu, This has been one of my many stories…Now you see it’s hopeless go against you fate, Because in the end it will only cause you more pain Kacura…was a special guardian but wished to much, and I can’t comply to her wishes anymore…Happiness…for me, Just was never meant to be, My story will continue as I get lost along with the rest of poor souls in time, so to ever is reading this, Thank You for listening to my life story…
....and Goodbye....
